Where The F%*# Have I Been?

Mar 05, 2018

Well, well, well....if it isn't Fel. (<-- love 2 speak about myself in the third person and simultaneously rhyme)

I write to you now from my home office, which has become a true caricature of itself. The MUSIC PRODUCER AT WORK! Wires, cords, microphones, MIDI controllers, opened boxes, bubble wrap. But somehow there is order in the chaos.

I'm makin-da-sweet music.

And in the process, making myself.

Er. "Making myself" might not be the best phrase.

Clarifying myself.

It occurred to me that the field of self-improvement should be called "self-clarification." Cuz there's nothing to improve.

Growth feels more like stripping away than building up. Stripping away what I was told to be and feel, groping around in the dark for the silhouette of my essential self. Like finding a melody through the noise.

The act of making music has helped me (forced me?) to do this. It's been....wild.

I've been asking myself:

Who am I, independent of judgment, shame, and the rules that were randomly laid...

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